Friday, October 9, 2009

The after-exam meditation

After every exam, I look forward to going back to my apartment. I don't like staying out too much, especially after I've subjected my brain to what could only be described as a mental torture—or, almost always, an intricate guessing game. Peace and quiet and dreams make up my ideal detoxifying activity. Others prefer alcohol, some a thousand rounds of videoke, but nothing beats a good eight-hour sleep.

Usually my roommate would be out with his own set of friends, so I'd have the entire room to myself. I've long since realized the importance of having some quiet time alone—I hear my thoughts more clearly and see things in different ways. Which is to say that I do a lot of thinking as I rock myself to sleep.

So, yes, I've been thinking of many things lately.

Foremost of which is—am I ever going to be a doctor, and will I be a good one? I ask myself this because at the rate of how I'm learning things, the future seems bleak. I hardly retain anything, and, as my classmate Roger said, "It's all short-term." Casti told me that the first two years of med school was meant to be this way—information overload—and that the more exciting learning happens in the third year.

Despite my efforts to learn for the sake of learning, I'm often left with no choice but to study just to pass. A typical case of a willing spirit and a weak flesh, come to think of it. That's why I appreciate how Dr. Quintos, one of our lecturers, has constantly reminded the class to learn in order to understand, telling us that exam scores are hardly a manifestation of one's learning. They're simply a gauge of performance. The student probably knows a whole lot more than the answers to the exam questions. I can't agree with him more.

But lest I create the impression that I'm drowning in a sea of frustrations, let me tell you that I'm actually having fun. Slowly, I'm actually getting the hang of it. And the Lord—the faithful, merciful, gracious Lord—is my help. This semester, which is about to end in a couple of weeks, has led me to see the end of myself and to trust in Him alone.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get some sleep now.

2 comments:

  1. "The student probably knows a whole lot more than the answers to the exam questions." I so agree as well. That thought gives me consolation after that horrible exam. Haha. At least we learned a great deal about cardio physio. :)

    I enjoy reading your blog. :) More power!

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  2. Thanks for dropping by, Mindy. Oo nga eh, the overall feedback was—Dr. Quintos did stick to his word that we shouldn't memorize but understand. It was a beating, haha, yes, but beatings are fun when you have people being beaten alongside you.

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