Skip to main content

New habits

Prof. Randy David on dealing with loss.
A few weeks after my wife Karina died in May last year, some friends of ours who had previously conveyed their sympathies, messaged me to ask how I was doing. Though at first I found this expression of concern a little odd, I soon understood what it was about.
He has developed new habits.
I have found myself building new habits because many of the old ones required Karina’s presence. I began to sleep on her side of the bed, and eat my meals while seated on her chair. I began to wear the Apple watch I gave her as a birthday present, because I could not bear seeing it unused on our bedside table. I now listen to less music and more poetry on Spotify, because my taste in music is basically a copy of hers. Every night, I light a candle before one of her last photos, and think of her and the life we shared. But, anniversaries and special occasions are tough. My children and I continue to celebrate them as though she was still there.
This is where he is.
I worry about being so overcome by grief that I must persuade myself that life still holds some meaning and purpose. That is where I am. But I also worry about getting so adjusted to a life without Karina that I may no longer feel her lingering presence. Then I will have completely lost her.


  1. "Then I will have completely lost her." No, no. Only if he completely forgets, that's when. You don't always have to feel loved ones by your side.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Tarps and COVID-19

Saw this in my feed. So Pinoy in many respects:  the graduation photo the tarp with three fonts: Monotype Corsiva ("Congratulations"), Arial (the girl's name), and the serif below the papaya tree the use of the middle name the color scheme (pink in white) the iconic Philippine countryside It's the first time I'm hearing about Zarraga, some 16 km north of Iloilo City. Seems like a charming place to visit. Also COVID-free. 

Week 9, 2012: Aboard the MV Logos Hope

I met old friends from college last Saturday. We had breakfast at an old restaurant along Ongpin Street called Saludo's. Some of us went to Logos Hope, a ship with lots of books inside it—some 5000 titles, we were told. The sun was hot, in a cancerous, melanoma-inducing kind of way. Summer is just right around the corner. Took us a while to get inside the ship. I thought this view of Manila's skyline from one of the windows was amazing. We saw what we came for: books. They were sold in "units" that had a corresponding peso conversion. The books sold cheaply, so I got David Copperfield by Charles Dickens for 150 units (Php 150). I plan to read at least one Dickens novel this year, 2012 being his 200th birthday. (I'm ashamed to admit I haven't read a single novel of his, ever). I saw Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys, classics, modern fiction, modern Christian literature, biographies, medical and nursing textbooks, and children's books. Visit